The End of a Long Journey

After a long haul flight with no sleep for 12 hours (I gave up sleeping with kids on flights a long time ago), Dave and I dragged our tired butts off the plane and piled in a cab to drive to San Francisco for the night. We thought by breaking up the trip a little we’d mitigate serious breakdowns (the kids and ours!). And we also just love San Fran, so why not stay a night? We also thought it might help with jetlag. But really nothing helps jet lag—you just have to live with it. We checked in to the hotel and got showers and headed outside for a brisk walk in what was the best weather we’ve ever experienced in San Fran—sunny with no clouds in sight! We headed over to one of our favorite restaurants in the whole world—La Folie. It’s a small French restaurant and the chef there is really talented. REALLY talented, as chefs go. Dash slept through the dinner and Declan was great, given his jet lag. Of course, we all fought falling asleep in our food. It was all we could do to carry on a conversation—we were just SO tired. I was having a hard time trying to keep my eyelids open. Sometimes they would close and I had to really concentrate to open them again! We had promised Declan a trolley ride, so after dinner we hopped on and rode down to Fisherman’s Wharf, but by the time we got off the trolley and started walking, Declan had fallen asleep on Dave’s shoulders.

We finally went to bed last night at 9pm after working really hard to stay awake all afternoon. Jet lag is a great foe, and particularly magnified when you age. Dave and I remarked that in our early twenties we could have charged through the jet lag all night and come out unscathed in the morning. I remember one time I flew from the US to Europe and got in past 9pm, and had a flight out the next day, so hit the town with friends all night till the next day. Wow, what youth can do! No more. In your thirties it’s like getting hit with a mac truck. Jet lag was intense all day and made the usual reappearance again at 12am, when Dashel decided to wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed. I stayed up with him in the dark till 1:30, and then he woke up again at 3:00am. And then Dave and Declan woke up at 3:45, so we just decided to get up, pack and find an all night diner near by to catch breakfast before 7am.

The city is particularly quite in the early morning. All the hubbub is gone and the trolleys are quite and the cabs are scarce. It’s actually my favorite time of day in a big city—just before dawn. When I woke up at 12 am with Dash I was moved by the silence. I gladly laid awake with him in the dark, he smiling back at me and sucking on his pacifier. On this trip Dash has been sleeping with Dave and I in bed because almost every night he awakes from stomach cramping because of some food I’ve eaten. It was just easier to keep him in bed with us so that I could just reach over and help him. For five weeks I’ve been used to this, and though there have been many nights I’ve awoken in a foul mood to take care of him, there have been others where our time together was sweet. It was just our time together. And at 12 am this morning I layed with him for the last night, thinking about how he’s changed just in the past 5 weeks. And I know it’s the end of an “era”. I won’t have him sleep in our bed once we’re home. He’ll go back to his bed and his room. And I’ll miss our nightly “meetings”. There’s a song by Trace Atkins called “You’re Gonna Miss This” and I was thinking of it at 12 am, thinking that we start anew with him in Durango and I know I’m gonna miss this time with him and this age. Soon enough he’ll be as big as Declan, and I’m sure just as independent.

So, what have I learned from this trip? I ask myself this question after every trip from which I return. And I'd have to say that this is a difficult consideration and I've had a to really reflect on this the last few days before writing here. First, I'd have to say that I can split this question into two parts: (1) Life Lessons I've Learned from the Trip; and (2) What I've Learned About My Kids on This Trip. To begin with the first, I've learned to just "let it go" when things don't go as planned, which is hard for me because I'm a planner. Dave's not--he really likes the spontaneous. And I've learned over the past 10 years of marriage to become more spontaneous, but on this trip I feel I was really delivered to a place where I could just easily "let it go" when it didn't work out, and to find real excitement in the unknown and unsolicited adventure. Secondly, I've learned not to be so "protective" of everything Declan does. He IS a boy, and I've had to reconcile myself to the reality that boys are boys and need some space from controlling mothers! There's a book called The Way of the Wild Heart, by John Eldridge, all about men and boys. It's one of those books that helps women understand why men and boys do what they do, and insight into why they need a little space and grace from us women! And thirdly, I've learned that, when traveling, it's imperative to give one another time alone. In fact, it's crucial to a happy marriage. So many times Dave let me bow out and just go be alone for awhile, which I desperately needed--because traveling with kids is an experiment in insanity and being the mom you tend to take on more of the difficulties in the traveling with the kids. It just happens that way, especially with a baby in tow. So having time to myself was paramount in the result of this being a really great trip! And, Dave needed his time alone, too. We both appreciated the time and space away from the kids. Fourthly, I learned more about Dave (and the kids) while traveling and under stress. You find out what you and your spouse (and your kids) are made of under pressure. It can be trying, but also a time when faith confidence in someone is built. Dave is cool under pressure and stress, and it was just magnified more and more on this trip. And continuing on this point, truly memorable moments are there all around you, even in the midst of being stressed-out and overwhelmed. You just have to be open to seeing them all the time. I loved discovering this truth. Okay, fifth, I learned that you always need less than you think you do. You pack, and repack, and repack again, and refine the process until you think you are bringing everything you need and not any more or less. And then you actually live the trip and find out you still brought more than you needed, and unnecessarily weighed yourself down. And we really packed light--particularly for traveling with little ones. But still, I found we didn't use some things, or under used other things. And maybe this isn't a hard lesson for others to learn, but for a planner it's big. And the big consideration for our packing was India. And since we didn't make it to India, alot of things we brought we just didn't need. It was going to be the most difficult and primitive part of our journey, so we needed more things, like steralizing tablets, a packable small baby bed, lots of insect repellent, ect. The list goes on. Things we would have needed had we actually made it there.

And now, for the things I learned ABOUT my kids on this trip...
I learned that my children as so very precious. I learned that they are terrifically bright and engaging and flexible with people and cultures. I've learned my kid's "love languages". There's a great book by Gary Chapman called The Five Love Languages, all about how each human expresses and receives love in a multiple of five different ways. I learned that Declan's love languages are "words of affirmation" and "time spent" with him. I learned that Dashels' love languages are "touch" and "time spent" with him. In fact, knowing this, I've written on my refridgerator a note reminding me to meet their love needs every day. I watched the boys play together and learned that Declan is a terrific big brother. I learned that thy really love one another and were bonding as brothers during the trip. I learned that Dashel is calmed by Declan talking to him, being with me, and being touched. But probably most importantly, I've learned that time spent with my kids is absolutely priceless. It's like a VISA commercial. There's nothing more valuable than time spent with them, getting to know them more as little human beings. It's such an honor to be their parents, and I'm so thankful God has entrusted them to us. It's a huge responsibility, but the best adventure of them all!

So to end this blog, I'd have to say that this was one of the best trips of my life. Particularly because we were together as a family--something Dave and I have started together. Having the kids along was a lot of work, but made it really special. And it was one of the best trips of my life because almost everything we experienced traveling, we experienced TOGETHER. We were never alone in our experiences, good or bad. The kid's won't remember the trip. I know this. But we'll help create memories for them through the videos and photos we show them, and the stories we share with them, from the trip. There's a great philosopher named Paul Ricouer who says that our lives are made of stories--stories we tell about ourselves, and stories others tell about us. It takes both to complete a full picture of who we are. And this trip was just one big story we get to tell our kids over and over throughout their lives--stories that will help define their lives and who they become.